but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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