Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Randomize
