Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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