he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Is Oprah even human
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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