I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Actions speak louder than pants.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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