Can i not drive my cunt home
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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