Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
