I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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