what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
