i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
