the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
