This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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