after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
