After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
