Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I need water and some morals
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
