Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
Randomize
