This is not my ceiling
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
