While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
