I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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