how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
