areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
i may or may not be watching the land before time
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
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