Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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