I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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