I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Randomize
