Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
