I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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