My nipple is on Facebook.
Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
