Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
