Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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