He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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