I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Randomize
