Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
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