get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
