I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
