just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
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