turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
