this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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