so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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