There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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