i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Ketchup is God's man juice
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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