In the future we'll all be gay
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
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