Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
