I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
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