i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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