I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
