Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
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