i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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