We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Randomize
