I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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