Yes because finding a guy to give head to is pretty difficult.
I mean not really
Obviously that's why it was a joke you are so stupid it's impossible.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
