His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize