Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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