Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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