Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
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