i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
