We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She's the barista slut.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
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