Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Randomize
