What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
She tied me up with her honor cords...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
