I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
