I can feel you judging me through the phone.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
