You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Randomize
