girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
