If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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