yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
we made out on top of his cat.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
