alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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