hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
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