You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
I am sorry, you're response was not recognized. Please try again.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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