i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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