I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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