Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
