he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
