wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
