remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Also, beer. Big fan.
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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