You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
