we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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