here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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