THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
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