So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
Randomize
